I hear it all the time.
“I like a boy. What do I do?!”
Just last week I saw the scenario play out on good ol’ Facebook when someone posed this question to all of their “friends” while at the same time opening themselves up to a torrent of opinions, none of which came from the Bible.
This is not shocking. The world is corrupt and people give advice as people instead of God’s representatives on this earth.
Although the amount of exclamation points varied, every answer given to this sweet girl in her 20s was exactly the same: Go tell him!
NOT THE BEST IDEA
The question of what a female is to do when she likes a member of the opposite sex is one that has no doubt plagued women for decades and one that has most likely been discussed at length in evangelical circles.
But this is something that has burned on my heart for weeks and I’m about to spill it all here.
When someone asks me the above question, they typically don’t like my answer.
“Sophie, there’s this great guy I’ve been talking to,” they bubble out in excitement. “He’s smart, classy, loves Jesus and has a heart for the nations. I really like him. He could be the one. What do you think I should do?”
“Nothing,” I say.
WE DON’T GET IT
Ladies, we are not called to initiate things, rather we were created to be responders. If you don’t agree with me, just remember what happened when the very first woman took matters into her own hands.
“But how wrong could it be if I call and just check on him? We’re friends, right? I would do that with any of my friends.”
I’ve used that line before. “I’m doing what I would do with any of my friends.” The thing is, we both know you’re not really thinking of him like any of your other friends, you’re merely trying to convince yourself you are. And while you might get to talk to him for a few thrilling moments on the phone, if you initiate you’re missing the glory of womanhood.
We weren’t made to pursue the man. And frankly that takes a load of pressure off us.
Embrace that freedom.
You don’t have to figure everything out.
You don’t have to push yourself on a man to make sure you are noticed.
Elisabeth Elliot puts it this way:
“By the grace of God we have not been left to ourselves in the matter of who is to do the initiating. Adam needed a helper. God fashioned one to the exact specifications of his need and brought her to him. It was Adam’s job to husband her, that is, he was responsible—to care for, protect, provide for, and cherish her.
“Males, as the physical design alone would show, are made to be initiators. Females are made to be the receptors, responders….It was not arbitrarily that God called Himself Israel’s Bridegroom and Israel His Bride, nor Christ the Head and the Church the Body and the Bride. He woos us, calls us, wins us, gives us His name, shares with us His destiny, takes responsibility for us, loves us with a love stronger than death.
“The spiritual paradigm defines the relationship of men and women, specifically of husbands and wives, since that is the central human union. The symbols matter enormously. They matter enormously, because they represent the relative positions of Christ and the church.
“Adam and Eve made a mess of things when they reversed roles. She took the initiative, offered him the forbidden fruit, and he, instead of standing as her protector, responded and sinned along with her.” –Passion and Purity, pg. 110
IT’S NOT EASY, BUT IT’S GOOD
My intention is not to make waiting on a man look like a sunshiney walk in the park. It’s not easy. Trust me. I’m 24 years old and have been waiting that long for a first date. And guess what? God has met every single one of my needs. He is enough. He is sufficient. And He is good.
If you are a Christ following woman and are seeking His best for your life then don’t initiate. Wait. Rest. Be still. Preach the Gospel to yourself.
Remember that apart from God you have nothing—which means if you have a boy but not God, you’re bankrupt—but with God, through Jesus’ atonement, you have everything your heart has ever desired.
It’s all found in Jesus.
Run to Him. Not to a boy.
In response to sweet and thoughtful comments and criticism from many readers about this post, I wrote another blog addressing the four main questions that arose after this blog was published. Read RESPONDING TO FOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT “WOMEN’S ROLE IN DATING” here.